Mechanical Paper Shredder For Sale, The Amish Rejoyce

The completely insane ingenious folks over at Brando have done it yet again.  Say hello to the mechanical paper shredder.  For $10, you will receive a hand-cranked paper shredder, and a basket to put your new confetti in.  This is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been looking for.  I printed out tons and tons of paper (literally, about 10,000 lbs.) that said “SECRET” all over it, and my current shredder just wasn’t doing the job.  I tried to make my own hand-shredder once, but it didn’t work nearly as well as I expect this one to.  It was mostly a handful of homeless people shredding my documents by hand.  They did decent work, but they took way too long, and often threw up on the documents they were shredding, which kinda ruined the confetti business I had going.  Apparently kids don’t like to have vomit-covered “SECRET” documents thrown at them.