60 Second Charcoal Starter; 1 Second Hair Dryer

Hammacher Schlemmer, presumably a secret German spy research group, has created a heated air death ray charcoal starter that is now for sale on their website.  This device outputs a steady stream of air that has been superheated to 1,290 degrees Fahrenheit.  It is supposed to be able to heat up your charcoal in 60 seconds without the use of lighter fluid, gasoline, napalm, or any other grill-heating devices.  I bought a couple of these to keep around the house, and let me warn you: these things look like hair dryers.  I don’t know what it is, but when you tell a woman that something shoots hot air out of it, and looks like a beauty supply instrument, then they’re likely to use it.  Let’s just say that my girlfriend is now missing 1/2 of her hair.  On the plus side, this device has been extremely useful for my other job: arsonist for hire.  All you have to do is plug it in, and point it at the thing or person that you want to burn, and then it/they will soon be engulfed in sweet, sweet dancing flames.